As Arese Ugwu, author of The Smart Money Woman, states – “A discussion about the expectation of each person’s responsibility is critical.” We all carry varying biases when it comes to money because of how we were brought up and we often assume our significant other has the same money values. In most cases, especially when finances are not talked about, that can be further from the truth.
I was given every lesson about saving for a rainy day in my ascension to adulthood. There was a specific amount from every single paycheck that was put away for whatever it was that I wanted or could possibly need at the time. I don’t have any recollection talking about investments or even retirement when I began working in high school. I didn’t start planning for retirement until I was in graduate school and I am not embarrassed about it. I had no idea how it worked and to be honest, did not care to learn until I met Cody. All I knew was if I wanted to do something fun like travel or go to a concert, I needed to just save up the cash and plan for the occasion. There is no shame in letting the world know that because what I know now makes all the difference to how financially secure my future will be.
Our pre-marriage counseling made a quick pit stop on financial values. It was quite brief and looking back, I wish there was a more in depth session on our beliefs on spending, borrowing and all around money management. Cody didn’t even remember completing it. At the very least, Cody and I were on the same page of paying off my $34,000.00 graduate loan. But man, that number was daunting! Cody was actually the person who stumbled upon the snowball method in his debt payoff research. Even though we paid off all our combined debts within 11 months of starting, I bet if we had a deeper dive in financials during our marriage counseling we would be ahead in all regards by 11 months. It may not sound like much, but 11 months of compound interest towards retirement would be an additional $13k (@ 7% ROI).
In the state of Florida, if you do not go to a professional marriage counselor or family therapist, you must take a four hour online course in order to obtain a marriage license. It’s the easiest and cheapest way to begin the marriage process. I can’t believe that was the option we chose. It’s laughable. Four hours is not nearly enough time to go through the many nuances of a union. The financial portion was so shallow but it did start the conversation between Cody and I. It gave us the space to understand each other’s money experiences. We took the time out to see how we wanted money to work for us and made the adjustments to reach those goals.
I suggest anyone entering a marriage or those who are already married to have a deep conversation about money values and what attaining those targets look like. You can begin by asking the following questions:
- How do you view a budget?
- What does financial freedom mean to you?
- How do you feel about combining income?
- What is considered a financial reward for you?
- How comfortable are you with investing?
- What do you want money to do for your future and how will you attain those goals?