A new parent can get wrapped up and stressed out constantly lamenting on whether or not a child is meeting certain “milestones.” I used to be that parent. Worried about if my children were getting enough nutrients through nursing or if they are too small for their age group. My biggie – and still is sometimes – is if a speech therapist is necessary.
All this overthinking I was doing was manifesting physically in my skin. I have major breakouts when I am overwhelmed or anxious about a particular subject. After grad school, nothing really stressed me out. Then I birthed Charlotte. I was persistently thinking about why she was so much smaller than her cousin, who was just two weeks older, or if her ‘baby lisp’ would ever go away?
When Luka was born, my anxiety worsened. At every check up he was on the smaller side of the scale for weight and height. He is perfectly healthy in every way, but seeing his numbers ‘below average’ for his age made me feel like I wasn’t being a good enough mom. Every unsolicited height/weight comment made jokingly or as advice from family made me feel worthless. I would dread what anyone would say to me about Charlotte’s tongue hitting her teeth when she spoke. My frustration was showing in my attitude. I needed to change how I viewed these ‘milestones’ and how Cody and I approached them for both children.
We took the time out to speak on how each child was developing in growth, speech and motor skills. Whether their particular development met the standard is something for which we did not put much emphasis. For example – Charlotte was speaking full sentences before 18 months. She knew her ABCs in English and American Sign Language. She could also count to ten. Yet, she was having difficulty controlling her tongue to not go past her teeth when she spoke. Cody and I became aware, Charlotte’s speech would most likely correct itself. Especially since all the girl’s teeth weren’t set yet! Her speech still gets to me, but I have to remember that she is only two years old. We will reassess when she is older.
We have also learned how to take a break when we begin to recognize the signs of our stress. Cody enjoys working out and I enjoy tap class. Scheduling these weekly “breaks” has given us time to take a step back and come together with a mind void of anxiousness when we need to speak on decisions for the children. These breaks keep us on the path of logic. We have been able to better go with the flow of things.
Taking a break through exercise has been one of the major coping mechanisms when it comes to stressing over the kid’s development. Stepping away from an issue for a time makes for a clearer understanding and better problem solving if/when one arises. Char & Luka are babies. They will continue to grow on all fronts. A little stress is normal for a parent. We have been trying our best not to let this stage of developmental stress get to us and it can be quite difficult.